I'm starting to ponder (i.e. dread) the upcoming 'terrible twos' lots of children go through. As Betsy has become increasingly verbal in the last couple weeks (she surprises me daily with words I didn't teach her, she just picks up on her own) I'm thinking the terrible twos are coming sooner, rather than later.
Last night we made a trip to the grocery store as we were out of the staples of our household (milk, Diet Coke, dog food and toilet paper). Betsy isn't BAD but she doesn't want to be confined to the seat in the cart. She wants to hold and try to open everything I put into the cart. At this age I'm not ready to 'discipline' Betsy, I think the re-direct is so much more effective. I've got my hands full when grocery shopping and entertaining Betsy.
Betsy understands what we are saying. She sits down when I remind her to. She stops when I say 'No'. She comes and brings things to me if I ask her to (does it sound like I'm talking about a puppy?).
She's very well behaved, and as long as she's not hungry or tired she's a happy little girl. I'm just blogging about this because I want to have a game plan before I'm in the midst of a bad behaviour issue.
For those with toddlers, how do you handle tantrums? Do you use discipline? What has been your biggest struggle and most effective responses in dealing with behaviour issues? Thanks for any feedback :)
4 comments:
Ahhh, the terrible two's! We got hit hard with that right around 18 months, cause why break with the "norm" at this point. Daniel has done everything early, so it was no shock when he started throwing his little fits. We usually redirect, but he does get threatened with time-out (at home and at school so we keep it consistent), which is usually effective, but only if you follow through when you say he/she is definitely going to time-out. And every now and then when he does something REALLY bad, like biting, he gets a little spank on the behind (just from us, not school). He is also well bahaved, so a lot of times, I'll just say "Excuse me. What do you say?" if he's being particularly whinny about wanting something. He is then forced to stop and think about what it is he supposed to say (which is "please") and he stops. The more he is able to grasp, the easier it's becoming for him to understand what's right and wrong and what's allowed and not allowed. But then again, he's not even two yet and I have to constantly remind myself of that! Ha!
at about 2 we started to do time out. Now that Elliott knows numbers I do a countdown from 5 for time out. At about 2 I ask him if he is 'all done' and he usually says yes. Very rarely do we have to use time out anymore. It's usually just when he has worked himself up emotionally and just needs to bring himself together.
I think the "terrible twos" is also a parental mindset. They get into things they are not meant to and stop listening to you, but I see as them exploring the world and learning boundries. We use our words alot too. If Elliott starts to get upset and crying I make him look me in the eyes and try to explain what it is what he wants/doesnt want/needs/etc. I think that teaches him to be open with us and learn to communicate. It seems to work well, he's a very well behaved toddler, especially out in public!
Ellie has always been a very verbal girl too, she has been speaking in complete sentences since she was about one and always followed out instructions, etc. She has been so easy and compliant for the most part until this past week. She is 2 1/2 and I think we just hit those "terrible twos." Fabulous. We've got direct disobedience, whining, fits, you name it.
It is still pretty new to us so we are still working on our game plan, but since she can understand us very well we try talking to her first, trying to explain things more or ask her what she is feeling...sometimes this works. We now have a "time out chair" that works very well. She gets two minutes time out since she is 2 years old. If she is really throwing a fit I will just let her cry and scream about whatever it is and tell her when she calms down we will talk...that works. She gets all the anger or frustration out of her system that way and then is ready to talk about what happened. She does get very mild swat on the bottom sometimes for like running out into the street, or yelling at me...it is so light of a swat, but really works. We talk about why she is getting a swat first and she'll apologize for whatever she did afterward...now just the threat of a swat straightens her up most times.
The key is consistency and follow through with whatever you say you will do if she acts up...we have left Walmart in the middle on shopping to go to the car for a swat before, or been late to something because she was in time out...it happens! Good luck!!
Yeah, we tried time out a couple of times until we realized it wasn't working- he was too young. I have since put him in time out 2-3 times when he actually seemed to "get it".
But really, redirect and ignore. Or remove.
Obviously I need some help too. matthew has just recently started whining/crying/tantrums. We have left 2 restaurants abruptly, asking them to box up our food, in the last 2 weeks (we eat all the time because we're in temp housing right now). Nothing would calm him, and obviously there's no reasoning with a 20-month-old.
Also, all of his tantrums happen for some reason- either too tired, sick, hungry, or can't communicate something to us. Those toddlers, they're tricky.
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